Distance

Distance

Distance can be so many different things.
It can be the space between two objects, two bodies…. two hearts.
It is often thought as a means to ensure separation…. perhaps safety.

But distance can also be the amount of time between breaths,
or the time between kisses or a caress.

Distance should be a means to draw closer…. Not pull apart.
Distance does nothing to erase fingerprints on our hearts.

Sometimes distance cannot be helped…. A byproduct of life
We know that distance can be minimized by shortening time between.
Frequent calls, emails and dinners, are what I mean.

Given the choice, there would be no distance, none at all.
But life makes us work for what is worth it…. What’s worth it all.

Players.....

Players
It’s funny how the world works…first there’s the visual sale, then the commentary and then courting and the sales pitch.
After all the investment time, the buyers change their mind and chose a better offer.

Players,
that’s what they are.
They play people’s emotions like a harp, pulling each string to get the most beautiful notes and then letting it go to resonate.
The real ironic thing is the claim that they didn’t want anyone to get hurt.
That‘s the irony.
They are smart enough to play, and smart enough to win.
But they’re really so small and insignificant in the end because they have no one.
It’s a lonely song when the only one who is listening is you.

Fear

Fear. The worst emotion that grips like a vice.
It makes breathing hard and smiling impossible.

The words of others ring in my ears as the results come forth by the man in the white coat. Size is small and moderately concerned were the phrases that bounced off the stainless steel tables.
The temperature was cold and the air was thick. I stifled my cries in my gown as the nurse rubbed my back. We are optimistic the man said, smiling as he tried to spout out statistics and go through the regimen that would be mine for the next month.

I was angry and at the same time, filled with fear. An uncomfortable fear; like my luck had run out. All I could think of was running, really really fast and far. I tried to see the beach and smell the ocean. That always made me feel better.

Who could I call? Who would be there? I thought of you. But it seemed so hard to dial. I decided to just drive home and sleep. I was so tired. My body seemed to be betraying me. And it didn’t seem fair. I was sore with muscles taut from tensing them and releasing them. My head hurt from trying to meditate. I needed relief. I went for a walk, hoping for clarity. I found instead silence and night.

Tomorrow is the beginning. I am trying to playback your words in my head. They echo and are slightly distorted. What will happen? I’ve been through this, sort of.
How can you be sure when I am not at all. How can I trust what seems to be in the clouds, where I cannot reach.

I am afraid and trying hard to not spin out of control. The 26th seems so very far away. I will be almost done by then. How will I look? How will I fare?
The tide is coming in. I am so tired.
I drag my weary body up to the car, clutching the shell I found.
On the way home I stop at the church, empty. I’ve cried too much today.

The Wind

The Wind

It’s a northeaster they say.
Spiral winds expected!
Get all your furniture in and put away random things.
The sky will darken and the rain will fall sideways
Everything will be damaged if left outside, unprotected.
So we haul it all in, covering, boxing, and putting away our treasures.
I am left standing looking at emptiness and a hollow place.
I’ve followed all the directions given to me,
Yet I don’t feel any safer, any better.
Instead I feel betrayed and robbed, empty really.
Aren’t we supposed to put our things out there,
To risk and have things get hurt and broken?
What is the point of staying inside during a storm and watching?
Next time I will not listen to those that say they know,
because they’ve been there.
Next time it rains I will put on my raincoat and go outside
And maybe even get wet, really wet.
I am not afraid of the wind.

The Beach

The Beach

Leaves of green turn to shades of brown,
then leave their stems just to flutter down.
Smells of the sea join the evening breeze as newborn stars start to fill the trees.
With blanket underneath and the sky above,
I wonder if I will ever find love.
Silence speaks though my tongue retreats,
And dew lays thick on my hands and feet.
The sky grows gray like the thoughts in mind,
And I look back at the road I've just left behind.
Fire brims the surface of a waking land, it overflows across the sky, the trees,
my face and the ocean's sand.
The roars of waves reach an ultimate high, and a seagull wakes with its screeching cry.
I stretch my arms and brush my eyes clear of sleep...
Undreamt dreams are what I wish to keep.
But I gather my blanket and wrap them safely inside, like the sand on my feet,
I let my longing for them slide.
As I walk back toward the road I see others running past.
The clouds they kick up in the air never last.
But no one ever stops running just to lie on that sand--
To escape from the world and hold our dreams in our hand.